To put it mildly, the new super-sized Whole Foods at 5th and Lamar is a towering portent of impending Apocalypse via mutual consumerist cannibalism, the ultimate expression of the rise to power of a neo fascist-yippie elite, and the final death knell for what little soul America has left. Many other dire declarations abound, but shall be left unsaid lest the flying monkeys of this NASDAQ darling swoop down and impale me on the end of a giant tofu and grilled veggie kabob. My visceral repulsion to this edifice and everything for which it stands is so violent that I require three days bed rest and the services of three exorcists to put my soul at ease every time I come within a mile of the place. It is Evil. It is Evil. It is Evil.
Opened in March 2005, this Reischtag of the snooty yuppie co-opted green consumer movement has all the soul of the cold metal chunks with which it is built. Worse yet, it sucks the very soul out of everything within grasp of its cold, ever-reaching money-grubbing tentacles. With this latest, and perhaps final incarnation of the Natural Foods Goliath before the earth opens up and swallows us whole, the corpo-hippies of the WF hierarchy have finally ripped-off their happy furry fun guy masks to reveal their true cold corporate visage- blood-dripping fangs, sharpened green horns, and all.
To walk into this blasphemous temple where green ecology has been whored-out to the worship of the almighty corporate dollar is to know how Jesus must have felt upon seeing the money-changers in the temple. Whole Foods is an abomination of the highest order. Avoid it at all costs lest your soul be commodified and resold to you at a 50% markup.
PROS: Keeps Evil Pseudo-Hippie Yuppies Off the Street
CONS: Could Perhaps Invoke the Apocalypse
CM is owned and operated by San Antonio-based HEB Food Stores. In true Texas fashion, CM is a place where the bigger is better philosophy rules. The produce section alone is larger than most neighborhood grocers and the selection in every section is astronomical in scope. Be warned- the store is specifically designed to herd you through a maze that takes you past everything it has to offer. Its easy to get lost on your first visit, but after a few trips, you get the lay of the land
Forget hurrying at CM. Even after you become familiar with the store, once youre inside, its easy to dawdle and love every minute of it. The produce section seems to change content and configuration at least once a month, and its human nature, especially for fresh veggie fans to spend extra time examining new offerings and reading the various printed preparation recommendations posted near the more exotic offerings. Then there are the countless sample stations set up about the store with white-coated attendants cheerfully shoving food at you. Its easy to get seduced by their offerings and wind up spending $5 for a locally produced jar of salsa. Strangely enough, Ive never been disappointed with any of my purchases prompted by sampling at CM. In fact, I have more often than not become a devoted fan of the product.
If I have found any weaknesses at CM, they are few. Being a coffee-fueled maniac, Im a bit disappointed in their whole bean coffee selection. The turbo blends that one would find at Wheatsville or the apocalyptic Whole Foods are missing. You pretty much get straight Columbian, Mexican, etc. Dropped the flavored garbage, folks.
Another little frustration is finding plastic bags in the bulk section. Rather than keep bags on every aisle, they just keep them on one, and the bulk staff, like mischievous little gremlins, seem to always keep changing that one aisle, so you spend a lot of time looking for a bag to put your trail mix in.
PROS: Great Produce, Wine, Salad, and Meat Sections. Awesome Service
CONS: Bakery is Weak on Selections, as is Bulk Coffee. Need more bags in bulk